How’s going mate??
Today’s writing topic is that “Is it better to do things with other people or to do them on your own.
Some people believe that it is better to do something by themselves, but I personally believe that it is much better to do something with other people.
To begin with, people can help each other if they work in school with other people. For example, if people have some problems or people do not know how to solve some problems, other people will be able to help them. As a result, they become a good friendship.
Secondly, people need others to play sports. Such as basketball, soccer and basketball. People can share their memories if people play together. Moreover they can learn to socialize from other people. Therefore,it is much easier for people to work with other people.
Finally, to have a dinner with people is more interesting than have it alone,because people can communicate to each other when they have a dinner. Furthermore, they can talk to everything, which means that they can talk not only about working but also usually lifestyle. Consequently they will be able to achieve their projects.
In conclusion, to do something with other people is much better and more interesting.
Cheers
Shun
Well done. I see you tried to use many signpostings (e.g. To begin with, secondly, finally, for example, as a result, therefore, furthermore). This is really a significant improvement.
One advice is the use of “for example.” Your example above (and in the previous post) is not really an example. You said “People can help each other. For example, if someone has a problem, others can help.” An example is usually given so that you can discuss your point in greater depth. The example above is just a repetition, not providing any depth.
Also, the second reason (sports need many people) is not really supporting your opinion (group is better than alone). You are simply describing that you need multiple number of people to play sports. You are not comparing “group” to “alone”, which you should be aiming to do in this essay.